Self-soothing Vs. Self-care

Today we talk about the differences between self-soothing and self-care.

Adaptive Soothing Mechanisms

One of the most effective ways to engage in self-soothing is to get into the present. Because in the present, everything's okay. In the present moment, we can connect back to self and others and to our benevolent power, the power that is greater than ourselves. There are many ways to get under the umbrella of getting into the present; for example, going for a walk, putting your phone down for at least 5 minutes, connecting with a friend, prayer, meditation, proper nutrition, and more!

We know that trauma causes malnutrition because our bodies require so much. So it sets us up to potentially be malnourished because trauma requires so much from our body to recover. And when we haven't healed the nervous system, it continues to require a lot from our body until we heal.

Being in the present

Often, when we have a baby that we're holding, we will sway from side to side, not always, but it's very common to observe. The motion of swaying physically relaxes and brings into regulation our nervous system. And it's something that our bodies will frequently do very naturally without any conscious awareness. So it will depend on what your circumstances are in life, but there are many creative ways to engage in the present moment.

Self-care vs. Soothing

When we talk about self-care in magazines or online, a lot of times, that self-care is packaged in very luxurious ways, like going to the spa, getting a massage, getting a pedicure, or shopping. And while those can be soothing, we want to think of self-care as self-soothing and make a fundamental distinction between those two. So we have popular culture's version of self-care, but self-soothing may or may not include some of the self-care menus that we have all heard about.

If you conceptualize it from the point of getting present, then it's less about that list that has been provided to us over the last several decades, and it's much more about simple ways of coming into the present moment. There doesn't have to be a high cost. There doesn't have to be half a day or a weekend set aside. The brain creates new neural pathways much more effectively through repetition.

In our society, when we talk about self-care, not always, but often, it's about the appearance of the physical body or the maintenance of the physical body. So we need to make sure that we're being motivated by what is going to help our mental, emotional and physical selves when we're thinking about self-soothing. Adaptive self-soothing is going to look different for everyone.

For additional tips on mental health, trauma, and so much more, check out The Universe Is Your Therapist Podcast!

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