How To Set Effective Boundaries

Today we talk about understanding how to set clear and effective boundaries in all areas of your life.

How to hold firm to a boundary

One of the best ways to set a boundary is in the delivery of it. If we can be calm and kind as we hold our boundaries firm, then it gives the other person an opportunity to learn about this new boundary without being in a fight or an argument with us. Because the argument or the fighting distracts from the current issue, which is your boundary. When we stay calm and repeat calmly and kindly what our boundary is, then it has an opportunity for the listener to hear it in their prefrontal cortex.

For example, a child cannot access their prefrontal cortex a lot. So in a parental role, sometimes that feels a lot different or more difficult to hold the boundary. So it gets pushed, poked, and prodded at until you either want to yell or give in.

How to hold a boundary without becoming dysregulated

There are multiple approaches to hold a boundary without becoming dysregulated. For example, we can say, "I love you, what the boundary is, and I'm done talking about this." That's just a beautiful way of doing it, but it doesn't mean the person or the child will stop pushing. At that point, sometimes, we may have to disengage.

How to navigate professional expectations

For example, we don't have the bandwidth to perform a task in the time frame that our manager or supervisor is asking us. One way is to make sure of this expectation is to have a really clear idea of your job description. You can stand firm in your knowledge, not because you want to be aggressive with your manager, but so that you have a sense that you have it.

You're entitled to let the manager know that it's hard for you or you have other obligations on your time. A great question to ask them is, "Would you like me to get this done first, or that done first?" There are only so many hours and especially work hours in the day, and we want a balanced and holistic life.

For additional tips on mental health, trauma, and so much more, check out The Universe Is Your Therapist Podcast!

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